We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
