if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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