i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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