I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
