Me. At least after what I've been through.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
