my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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