I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
