tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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