Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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