He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
