Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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