The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
