It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
