thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
accomplished twins. life is a go
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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