How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
