Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
