btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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