your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
