ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
