Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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