a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize