Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
