We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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