I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
