3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
