Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
