I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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