We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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