end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
