Ambien. No doubt about it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize