why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
