my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
