please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
