when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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