New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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