I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
