I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
