i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
