Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
