Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
