I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
His nipple licking is glorious
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