The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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