went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
