We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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