I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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