Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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