woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
false alarm, still single
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
