I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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