So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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