I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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