A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
