The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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