I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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