You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
