chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
