If that was your dad, he is hot
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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