omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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