Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
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