Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Still dying that you shit outside
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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