I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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