He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
