I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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