You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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