and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
