He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
