my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
